In my role as a leadership coach, I have noticed the same themes emerge during conversations with site administrators, district leaders, and classroom teachers: a need to feel seen, heard, and valued. And yet, it seems each year the pace of the school year accelerates, leaving educators to grapple with an increasing number of initiatives and unpredictable daily challenges. This cadence can feel frenetic, and “eventually, the speed of expectations, the pact of obligations, the simpler, better, faster mantra catches up to you—as a professional and as a human being” (Kanold, 2017). The school year’s rapid momentum causes us to react to unexpected challenges instead of taking time to respond with purpose. In these moments where we feel pressed for time, effective leaders resist the quick fix and instead prioritize coaching conversations that strengthen relationships and build connected communities.
Leaders who have a coaching mindset capitalize on each opportunity to coach, listening with purpose and framing conversations with intention. They coach first, as often as possible, avoiding the temptation to slide into a problem-solving mindset. While offering solutions seems faster in the immediate moment, it can create a cycle where a team continually relies on the leader for answers instead of developing confidence in their own creative and effective solutions. Coaching breaks this pattern by empowering teams, increasing efficiency, and deepening trust. While this might mean spending a few more minutes in a conversation in the short run, it saves leaders countless hours and strengthens connections in the long run.
Coaching in Everyday Moments
Coaching takes time, whether you’re supporting a colleague with a challenging problem or listening to a friend grapple with a difficult decision. When you pause to fully engage in these conversations, it forges deeper connections and enhances relationships in your personal and professional life. At its core, coaching is a series of intentional communication moves made throughout a conversation. As a leadership coach, these skills are critical whenever I help teams navigate interpersonal dynamics or facilitate an open dialogue between school sites and district leadership. There are countless instances when a colleague comes to me with a quick question that turns into an impromptu coaching conversation. Sometimes this happens over a walk-and-talk or in the hallway between meetings. Other times, someone taps me on the shoulder, and I turn to see a vulnerable look in their eyes. While it takes more time to coach instead of offering quick-fix solutions, I know these interactions will have a greater impact in the long run if I maintain a coaching mindset.
Over the past several years, budget cuts and political agendas have impacted school dynamics, shifting conversations toward metrics and initiatives with less time dedicated to collaboration and authentic connection. The modern trend of focusing on tasks instead of conversations minimizes meaningful interactions between colleagues.
Coach and mediator Jason Craige Harris talks about the importance of understanding the difference between transaction and interaction when building relationships as a leader (2025). Transactional administrators create a task-oriented environment where teams move through agendas and checklists without prioritizing time to invest in meaningful collaboration. Waiting for scheduled check-ins or structured meetings can lead to missed opportunities and won’t deepen connections if they simply result in a list of additional tasks or a set of prescribed solutions. What matters is the mindset leaders have when they interact with colleagues. Effective leaders don’t wait for formal appointments to coach their teams; they capitalize on every interaction, big or small. They understand coaching is a powerful leadership skill that empowers teams, strengthens relationships, and builds a deep sense of community. They listen with intention, reflect what is said with empathy, and frame each conversation with purpose.
Effective leaders don’t wait for formal appointments to coach their teams; they capitalize on every interaction, big or small.
Listen to Solve the Right Problem
Leaders who coach know how to listen to understand rather than to respond. They clarify what is at the center of the issue before moving on to answer questions or address concerns. When we find ourselves constructing our response while the other person is still speaking, we miss clues or details that are critical for creating a pathway forward. It can be tempting for leaders to move through agenda items and meetings with efficiency because “the demands of our schedules eat into the very essence of our existence” (Kanold, 2017). By taking time to listen like a coach, leaders will better understand the heart of the issue and get to the root of someone’s concern.
Listening with care also helps leaders address problems as they arise, so they examine the right problem instead of focusing on the first issue that appears on the surface. Often, the initial idea shared is just the tip of the iceberg, so understanding its depths and complexities makes a coaching conversation more impactful.
Reflect Understanding with Empathy
Coaches help others see their challenges clearly by holding up a mirror and empathetically reflecting someone’s words back to them with intention, making the speaker feel heard and understood. When a teacher struggles with a difficult team or a colleague grapples with a nuanced situation, beginning the conversation by reflecting your understanding is a critical step before moving on to discuss possible solutions.
Reflecting with empathy allows a coach to be attuned to the challenges others face without feeling the impulse to fix their problems. Dynamic leaders believe their colleagues can handle difficult situations, so when a situation escalates that does require more direct administrative involvement, colleagues perceive this act of assistance as a sign of effective leadership and welcome support.
Frame with Purpose
When a leader carefully frames a conversation with context, they can articulate various points of view, outline key factors to consider, or set expectations. Think about the decisions you make before taking a picture with your phone. The elements you choose to include within the frame provide context for what others perceive. Likewise, when leaders thoughtfully frame conversations, their message is more likely to have a desired impact on others.
Framing also helps leaders assuage concerns and establish a collaborative approach to problem solving. Coaches indicate where others have agency to make decisions and craft solutions, spurring them to feel connected to the conclusions they reach. Leaders who craft effective frames explain where there is a need for conformity or alignment and emphasize opportunities for creativity. When people see explicit moments for autonomy, framed within a clear set of expectations, they feel inspired to engage in collaboration and take pride in the results.
The school year’s rapid momentum causes us to react to unexpected challenges instead of taking time to respond with purpose.
Coaching Conversations in Action
A principal recently shared a story about how they paused to coach in the moment and defuse rising tensions within one of their teams. Between meetings, the school leader noticed that a teacher was visibly upset and paused to talk with them in the hallway. The teacher shared concerns about a change to the team’s assessment calendar and the number of assessments added to that grading period. The change felt sudden and unexpected, which frustrated the teacher and their team. Instead of mentioning the numerous emails and meetings where the principal had previously explained this change, they paused to coach in the moment and address the teacher’s concerns directly. The principal clarified that the new calendar removed some outdated assessments to make room for the new ones. Upon hearing this, and feeling their perspective acknowledged with empathy, the teacher visibly relaxed. Recognizing the rest of the team likely shared these same frustrations and misconceptions, the administrator offered to stop by their upcoming team meeting for a few minutes to address any lingering concerns.
During the team meeting, the principal acknowledged the emotions in the room, encouraging others to share their thoughts. After listening intently, the administrator asked clarifying questions to get at the heart of the team’s concerns, continually reflecting their understanding along the way. When it became apparent that the team had the same misunderstanding about the new assessment calendar, the principal clarified expectations and acknowledged that the flurry of emails at the start of the year had created some confusion. Once the emotions in the room settled, the administrator began framing expectations and next steps, highlighting where the team had flexibility and where they needed to be aligned. The team’s conversation shifted to a collaborative brainstorm about how to support students in preparation for the new assessments.
Coaching during an informal hallway conversation allowed this administrator to build a stronger connection with the whole team. Jim Knight shares that “effective coaching is more than a few conversations; effective coaching leads to socially significant improvements in teaching and learning” (2015). Setting aside time to proactively address this misunderstanding reinforced the principal’s commitment to their teachers and saved countless hours of negative side chatter. Coaching a teacher individually and then extending that same support to the whole team was a powerful display of empathy and ultimately strengthened the school’s culture.
Slow Down to Deepen Connections
The tenets of coaching—listening carefully, reflecting understanding with empathy, and framing with intention—are philosophical edicts that imbue a school community with a sense of interconnection. Leaders who maintain a coaching mindset reinforce the importance of relationships and remind others of their connection, not through deadlines and agendas, but through a shared sense of purpose.
Coaching is a skill any administrator can develop through routine practice and ongoing reflection. In the rush of daily life, it can feel difficult to slow down and coach, but these vital interactions make a lasting impact. How we show up for each other in the in-between moments, when people are their most vulnerable and open selves, impacts our feeling of connection to each other. Our schools reap long-term benefits when we invest our time in coaching, solidifying relationships, fostering a culture of trust, and strengthening the very heart of our school communities.
Reflect & Discuss
How might you keep coaching front-of-mind during your next impromptu interaction with a colleague?
What are some key benefits you’ve noticed when you take time to coach (or respond) in the moment instead of react?
TIP
Leaders: Explore sample coaching scenarios and ways to use the listen, reflect, and frame technique in the moment to build stronger teams and resolve problems. Download the PDF.
